My definition of news is something that someone, somewhere doesn't want to see in print. The rest can be summed up as 'advertising.'
Dick High
(former editor, Casper Star-Tribune)

Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuck-offs and misfits - a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.
Hunter S. Thompson
"Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
Note: Being a fuck-off and misfit himself, Thompson figured it was a good line of work to pursue. He did it better than anyone ever had to that date. With the apparent death of the profession, he may remain the best.
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Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
G. K. Chesterton 
(1874 - 1936)

With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results and stock market quotations, there is no such thing as "objective journalism." The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.
Hunter S. Thompson
"Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972"

A journalist is a machine that converts coffee into copy. 
Michael Ryan Elgan 
Former Managing Editor, Windows Magazine